i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
