I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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