he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
