i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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