Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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