Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your cock deserves a montage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
