I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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