i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
