Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
