My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
