he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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