i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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