somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
