OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize