she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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