I wish I could punch you in the face.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
