Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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