Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
