tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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