i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
