If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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