Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
