My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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