Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
