Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
