she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
