You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
