Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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