Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
