I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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