Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
