You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
