Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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