Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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