I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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