she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
