after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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