you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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