I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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