and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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