After last night, I could never be a politician.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
