It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
