you traded sex for a burrito?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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