i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
