You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
