He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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