i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
