Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
