lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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