i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
