I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
