To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
