nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
