just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
