How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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