I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize