I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
