I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
