someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize