Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
