My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Found the puke drawer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
