Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There r osticjed everywhere
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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