my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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