Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
