i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
