fuck your aforementioned shoe
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
