peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
