I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
