Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize