You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
