come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
