You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
