I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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