He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
