I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
